The Proverbs 31 Woman: Real? Just an "ideal" wife? A combination of many different women?

1 The sayings of King Lemuel—an inspired utterance his mother taught him.

2 Listen, my son! Listen, son of my womb!

    Listen, my son, the answer to my prayers!

- Proverbs 31: 1-2 (NIV)

Hello friends! I haven't touched on the Proverbs 31 woman in a while, but the Holy Spirit sent one of those out-of-the-blue zingers of thoughts the other day, and I wanted to pass on what's been on my mind.

The Proverbs 31 woman is an oft-discussed gal in women's Bible study groups. I'm not sure that she's nearly as discussed as she should be in men's groups, but I guess that's an idea for another day.

We ladies know that in any gathering we hold, someone is going to bring up the impressive wife. Maybe just a mention, maybe a full-blown discussion, but certainly part of our agenda. We tend to fall into two camps when it comes to feelings about Mrs. Proverbs 31: we're either trying to do everything she does and feeling guilty for the things we find difficult to pile onto our plates, or we're bent on insisting that we were never meant to do all that stuff anyways. 

The first bunch is exhausted, carrying around a burden and sure to disappoint themselves as they drop a ball every now and then. They're ignoring other parts of scripture (like Matthew 11:28 "Come to me, all ye who are weary and heavy laden, and I shall give you rest.") to their own detriment.

The second bunch is also ignoring scripture, it's just the scripture being discussed at the moment. They're shoving aside the inspired word of God as unintended for them, or irrelevant in modern times, in order to avoid taking up the responsibility of what God describes as a good wife. 

But all of us are forgetting something special about this set of scriptures. We mention it sometimes, but we never discuss the implications this has on our lives as women and as wives and mothers.

We don't study the first two verses of Proverbs chapter 31. We might mention that this description of a wife was "just written by a man" or "is just a man talking" or some other mention of a man blathering on about what he really, really wants his wife to be like. Then we move on to the meat of the chapter and forget all about the first two verses, which is a mistake. Half the time we aren't mentioning the first two verses at all, which is also a mistake.

The first two verses of chapter 31 are God-breathed, God-inspired scriptures just like all the rest of the Bible. They are a gift from God to us, and in that light, things start to change, don't they?

I'm imagining a son, maybe approaching an age where marriage fast approaches, having some frustrations. Some anxieties. Bemoaning "the ol' ball and chain," making jokes about a nagging woman and the tiny box he'll live in for the rest of his life just to stay under her thumb. That feels familiar, doesn't it? (Insert modern-day eye roll here.)

Then I imagine his father. A man who's been married a while and has a few more years of masculine wisdom under his belt. And this man looks up and says, "Son, sit down and let me tell you what it's like to be married." 

And the father turns into a husband in the blink of an eye, and he starts remembering all the versions of his wife he's had the privilege of loving over the years. He tells his son about a wife that made sure food was cooked and on the table. That made sure they all had warm clothes for the winter, and organized the household economy with an efficiency military generals would admire, and gathered skills as the years went on to the point that her skills overflowed the home and turned into monetary profit. 

He remembers a woman who was so wonderful that other people thought he was the impressive one, just because he managed to be the husband who loved and led her, and he remembers that, because of her, he honestly was more impressive. He remembers back at all the years his wife was the helpmeet God made her to be. He remembers the times he and his children - including this marriage-aged son he's talking to - woke up and were just so darn grateful this woman was there, day after day, just for them. 

And then this man, this husband, this father, stops remembering and comes back to present time and says, "Son, I've been married a long time, and that's it. That's what it's like to have a GOOD wife."

So when we, confident modern-day ladies that we are, insist that this woman is described by "just a man," like that's a negative thing, I think we miss the point. This woman is described by a man, and what a gift that is to us! This is a wonderful picture of the way men should be talking about their wives, both to their wives as encouragement and to other men as a way of strengthening the God-given institution of marriage.

I once read an article on the invisible burdens of being a wife and mother. This was several years ago, and there's zero chance of my finding it and linking it now, so I'll paraphrase. (Apologies to anyone interested in the original!)

The article detailed all of the things wives and mothers remember for the family or carry on their shoulders in addition to working full-time jobs. Husbands work and come home and rest. Wives work and come home and help kids with homework and fix dinner and do chores and run run run until it's time to fall into bed. My brain latched onto one particular example of an invisible burden from this article: A husband will use the last of the mustard and then put mustard on the grocery list. The family will be without mustard until the next grocery run. A wife uses some mustard, notices it's running low, puts it on the grocery list, and makes sure to have the new bottle of mustard purchased and on hand before the old bottle runs out. The family never misses a day without mustard.

I'm not minimizing the exhaustion or the need for rest that mothers and wives face, I promise. But when I think about the mustard in terms of our topic today, I think, "THAT'S THE POINT!!" 

There are verses in the "meat" of chapter 31 that talk about the wife's wisdom in ensuring household preparedness. (Verse 14 talks about bringing in food, verse 15 about preparing meals, verse 21 about weather-related preparedness, verse 27 about general household readiness...) 

A modern translation might be the father looking at his son and saying, "I haven't run out of mustard in YEARS, kid."

This is not only a husband that understands that his wife is accomplishing a lot, but he's noticing and sharing the details of her excellence with other men. He's the leader of his home, and he's not burying his head in the sand and acting like his wife is replaceable or uselessly busy. He's invested in the details of her life and her contributions to their family, and he's proud of her. He considers her more precious than any priceless jewel, and he's making sure the next generation knows it. 

Can you imagine what marriages would be like if fathers were telling their sons about all of the excellent ways a wife could improve their lives? Can you imagine if husbands were encouraging their wives to excellence based on the things that God cares about - the things detailed in Proverbs 31? If husbands noticed their wives making sure the family always had mustard and praised her accordingly, letting her know that not only does he appreciate her contribution, but God speaks highly of this kind of feminine thoughtfulness, too?

Would Christian wives and mothers feel like all of Proverbs 31 was fuel to the fire of invisible burdens if husbands were talking about them the way that King Lemuel speaks the words found in the chapter? 

As I said above, seen in this light, Proverbs 31 becomes less of a burden forced upon us by a man and more of a gift from God to our families, all because it came from the brain and the heart of a man.

Let me know your thoughts in the comments below!

All the love,

Emily

P.S. Feel free to contact me at admin@tulipsandbasil.com!