Untreasured Tidbits: Things People Say to Pregnant Women That are Inappropriate

 Hello friends!

My last post was on "treasured tidbits," a bit of a recollection of things people said to me as I was expecting my first baby that I hold close to my heart.

Today's post leans a bit in the opposite direction. As I draw closer to my due date with Baby #3, I have to tune out the usual, inappropriate comments from loved ones and strangers alike. Below are a few things I think are better left unsaid.

1. All girls? Are you going to keep trying for a boy? / Your poor husband. / But how do you really feel about having all girls?

The God-given gender of our children is not offensive to us. Apparently, it is to lots of other folks, though, and they aren't afraid to say something rude about our family being blessed with three baby girls. Commenting negatively on the gender of someone's child is yucky.

2. Wow, a third. Are you done? / When are you going to get on birth control?

A couple's family planning is no one's business but theirs. 

The decisions a couple makes regarding the size of their family is no one's business but theirs.

Questions and comments about birth control are inappropriate.

3. Why would you want that many kids?!?!?!?!

This is a weird one often said in response to hearing how many children we might like. What do you say to this?

Because we like kids? Because we treasure the idea of a big family? I'm not sure what anyone expects as a response to this. There is an ugly, sarcastic side of me that wants to respond Oh my goodness you're right, I should stop having kids now and get rid of the ones I have until *you* feel better about the size of my family!!!!!!!

I won't, because it wouldn't be very kind or ladylike of me, but I'm frustrated and the idea exists in the back of my mind. 

Christians in particular need to be careful about this kind of comment. Scripture plainly speaks the blessing that it is to have a child, and our response to hearing of a new baby shouldn't be "Gosh that's crazy better you than me tbh."

4. Are you sure you want another one?

Said while I am 1 - already pregnant and 2 - watching my older child/children act in the energetic, sometimes disobedient way that children do. 

Again, what am I supposed to say to this? "Wow, you're right, maybe I should stop being pregnant now. Maybe you'll get lucky and we'll have some terrible accident and the next baby won't make it, and then years from now when my kids are acting foolish you can say THANK GOODNESS THAT LAST BABY DIDN'T MAKE IT, RIGHT?"

Do we see how...weird that is? How awful? 

5. You look huge/super pregnant.

Commenting on someone else's body, especially telling a woman she looks really big, is wrong. And weird. And rude.

6. Raising kids is hard.

This one softens my heart a bit. It's something I've heard after voicing concern over the "Why would you want more kids/another baby?!?!?!/BIRTH CONTROL" comments. 

Our loved ones have experienced more life than we have, and they know that raising kids isn't all baby snuggles and toddler storytime. Sometimes raising kids is really, really hard, and they want to protect us from more hardship than we need to bear.

Here's the thing, though. God doesn't tell us, "That's hard, better not do it." He tells us of the blessing it is to have children. He shows over and over again the blessing that it is to have familial relationships, like those between parents and children, siblings, and extended family. And then He tells us "Do not fear." "Come to me, ye who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest." "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." "Take up your cross daily and follow me."

Scripture speaks positively about family, ensures us that hardship will enter our lives, and leads us to Christ when it comes knocking. It doesn't tell us to avoid blessings just because sometimes they're hard.

That's all for today! Let me know your thoughts in the comments below!

All the love,

Emily

P.S. Feel free to contact me at admin@tulipsandbasil.com!