Kids and Christmas: Minimalism, Family Boundaries, and Holiday Traditions

 Hello friends!

January has just come to a close as I sit down to write this, and I'm taking a moment to reflect on this past holiday season.

My oldest daughter is three, and for the past several years the holidays have felt out of hand. A season that used to be so joyful and fun quickly became stressful, miserable, and bitterness-inducing. My husband and I would feel run-down after months of "celebrating," and I in particular felt like our immediate family wasn't able to have priorities or traditions because we were supposed to adopt every priority and tradition our parents and grandparents had.

We made a few changes this past holiday season, and we've taken a minute to look ahead to changes the next season might hold. As a quick note, if you have children in the room, ones who are hearing this read aloud or reading over your shoulder, perhaps save this post for another time.

Here are a few things we did or have in mind:

1. Limiting Our Travel Time

Our travel time is exclusively spent in the car. From Halloween to New Year's, small children are missing naps, adults are missing moments of rest, and everyone gets crankier and crankier.

Saying thank you but no thank you to celebratory invitations was something that seemed rude at first, but turned out to be a blessing for our family. Skipping a few gatherings in order to give our family the rest and togetherness we craved left us refreshed and better able to participate in the joy of the season when we did accept invitations to celebrate with others.

We also hosted a holiday gathering this past season! Less travel doesn't necessarily mean less time with family and friends when we were willing to open our home to others.

2. Giving Gifts

I watched a video where the speaker was discussing minimalism and the holiday season. He said something like, "Gift-giving is an appropriate expression of love, but we want to encourage reasonable gift-giving." The idea being that there is a line we can cross where gift-giving transforms from reasonable to unreasonable, and we shouldn't feel guilty about staying within what is reasonable for our budgets, space, and priorities.

This past year we made an effort to give gifts reasonably in two areas: gifts we gave to extended family and friends, and gifts we gave to our children.

We kept gifts to family and friends within a set budget and tried not to concern ourselves with giving an equal number of packages to what we might receive.

We gave gifts in the form of stocking stuffers to our children. Our children receive many, many gifts from family members, and we're often looking at doubling the number of kids' items in our home by the end of December. Our littles didn't miss extravagant gifts from momma and daddy. 

3. Setting Priorities

I would like for my children to understand that it is better to give than to receive at all times of the year, including the holiday season. 

The past few years have led to questions about when they'll get more presents and where their new toys are or when they'll be getting another new toy. I see them forgetting toys they just received as a gift and instead looking ahead for more, more, more. 

I don't want to police the gifts given to my children by family and friends, and I can't control what others see as "reasonable gift-giving." This means people my children respect and love may encourage more, more, more. 

What I can control, though, are the attitudes and circumstances present in our home. We hope to make a change that includes our children in the making and giving of gifts, of gratitude and care for our earthly possessions, and of an overall focus on family and our Christian faith during the holiday season.

4. The Advent of Kindness

This point follows closely on the tails of the previous point: I'd like to start a kindness-focused advent calendar. 

Advent calendars filled with treasures and special scavenger hunts are traditions for our extended family. With a three-year-old and an 18-month-old, I've shied away from filling an advent calendar with even more...stuff. Stuff that doesn't meet holiday priorities #1 and #2: learning that to give is better than to receive, and leaning into our Christian faith.

Enter the Advent of Kindness. A little calendar filled with instructions to give Daddy a big, big hug when he gets home, to pick out a special gift for our favorite Uncle and color him a picture, to make a fun lunch for a grandparent and take it to their door. 25 days of small things little kids can participate in that speak to the joy that it is to love other people.

5.  Elf on the Shelf

I'm not doing it. It's a hard boundary in our house.

I have too much else to remember, too many other things on my plate, and I'm bound to forget to move the elf. I don't want the elf making a mess that I have to clean up, I don't want to disappoint my children and then have to lie about why the elf didn't move, and I do not need to add one more responsibility to my plate in the midst of a responsibility-laden season.

6. Santa

This is a personal conviction and one that isn't shared by any of my other family members: I do not mention Santa. 

I dislike the idea that there is an imaginary man who delivers gifts that has to compete with Christ for attention. How do I teach my children the realness of Christ, who they can't see, while also teaching them about Santa, who they also can't see and who will turn out to not be real in the end? 

For a three-year-old, how does Christ compete with a magical man that brings a heap of presents? 

I don't argue Santa because I know Santa is an important part of Christmas for all of my other family members, and I know my children will hear all about Santa from them. As long as I'm responsible for my children's seasonal education and gift-gathering, though, they will hear nothing about Santa and everything about Christ, and Santa won't be leaving presents at our house. 

That's all for today! What things do you do in your family that make your holidays more peaceful?

All the love,

Emily

P.S. Feel free to contact me at admin@tulipsandbasil.com!